If by some strange reason you clicked on this post hoping for actual genuine sound fashion advice then look aw… actually wait, don’t look away now at all, keep on reading, but do so knowing that Senor Fashionista I am not. But hopefully I might be able to give some people an idea of what they should under no circumstances be found wearing.
So i’m going to do a sort of head to toe format here; now obviously I can’t possibly fit in all of the worlds fashion faux pas’ in one blog post, so maybe this will become a sort of serial blog, where I upload a post maybe twice a month filled with all of the things that I’ve seen people wearing that should by law be thrown in a skip.
So let’s get cracking shall we…
Head… and Neck:
Trilbys: I’m not entirely sure what some men think they look like wearing a Trilby, but I can assure you it does not look good. I think sometimes guys think that they look like The Don from The God Father or any other 70’s gangster film, but no, back in the day gangsters would wear these…
Snapbacks: This particular hat defines the current problem with teen fashion. It’s not just that they look like a massive Daffy Duck with ‘Swag’ (I wont even get started on how much I hate that word) written on the front; it’s the fact that each and every person who wears one of these…things, is quite confident that they look like a ‘boss’. No. You look like a silly duck with a vocabulary so poor you have to resort to describing yourself as having ‘Swag’ on your hat so you don’t forget.
Burberry : This is a tricky one because Burberry is still obviously a very prestigious name in fashion. Let me explain; Burberry as we all know by now has a very distinct pattern, and when worn correctly by someone who has quite clearly bought a very expensive piece it can look very good. However, there are those who buy extremely cheap knock offs (mostly hats and scarves) and wear them whilst mugging an old lady; we call these people Chavs where i’m from and they’ve ruined the Burberry brand for the rest of us.
Hawaiian Shirts: This one is mostly aimed at middle aged men who insist on wearing these shirts on their holiday to Mallorca. I don’t know who exactly is responsible for these monstrosities but making poor innocent impressionable middle aged men look like massive parrots is not the way forward; it’s just mean.
Yep, Onslow was a character from a British T.V series called Keeping Up Appearances, he was a vile, lazy and an all round slobbish man, and by using this picture I have explained why Wife Beaters are awful, end of discussion.
Football Shirts being worn anywhere but a football stadium: It’s a long title I know, but I really believe that the football shirt should be kept in the place where it belongs. I mean let’s face it, you wouldn’t wear your swimming gear down the shops to get a pint of milk, so why is it acceptable to wear your football kit down the pub, thereby making the entire establishment look automatically ‘Chavvy’?.
Massive Puffy Coats: I used to love wearing my puffy coat as a kid, it made me look like action man, or The Hulk, but when I see grown men walking down the street wearing one it just looks ridiculous; and you just know that when they take the massive coat off they are going to look like a stick man. By all means allow your children up to a maximum of fives year wear them, but stop after that. No seriously, stop!
Read my guide to Jeans post…
Guys, keep out of the short shorts: No, it’s not cool just because Joey Essex wears them, they are primary meant for women, not for a man on a shopping trip to Lakeside.
3/4 Length Sports Shorts: Words can seriously not explain quite how bad these things are, yes, OK in the 90’s when a boy band wore them in a music video they were acceptable; but ever since they’ve been associated with a six pack of tennants and a park bench, they’ve sort of lost their appeal.
Crocs: They should never have been invented in the first place. Again, by all means allow your child to wear them on the beach, on holiday, for the express purpose of wearing them on the beach. But do not for the love all things good in this world wear them if you are a 50 year old woman walking around Tesco.
Sandals with Socks: I know for a fact that i’m not the only person who gets wound up by this. No man has ever put on a pair of sandals and then thought “Oh I know what will make this look even more sexy than it does already…” They just can’t think it looks in any way ‘fashionable’. So stop.
Uggs : I’m afraid this is the same situation as the Burberry crisis. Expensive and well produced UGG boots can on some people look quite good, but when they are poorly made knock offs and the teenager in a full pink lacoste shell suit has worn them and them only for three years straight, and the soles have begun to separate so the girl is essentially walking with her feet on the part of the boot that should be touching her calf; it’s time to give up.
I’m going to stop there and let you mull over any of the fashion faux pas’ you may be making right now. This will definitely be a twice a month blog because there a far too many no no’s around to ignore.
Until next time.