Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (Bit Late)


I was really looking forward to this film when I found out who was going to be starring in it; and then I actually watched it… The main cast were great, don’t get me wrong; Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton are great in everything they do, and don’t even get me started on Peter Stormare (legend of the screen). But there is one element (which I won’t delve too deep in to for those of you who haven’t seen it) which doesn’t really match the main casts quality of acting for this film. And this isn’t to say that the people portraying the characters are not good actors; they are, but in this instance they are a bit… Power-Rangers bad guy. Let me explain; in the, Oh I don’t know, 200-500 thousand years (give or take a hundred years) that power-rangers has been on the television, it never ceases to amaze me how badly the make-up and over-acting of the bad guys and gals is executed. And this is how i fell about Hansel and Gretel’s bad guys; over-everything, but mainly over-acting. I’ll stop there and let you make your own mind up.

The concept for the film is a good one, if not a bit straw-clutching, The idea for a witch hunt film is a bit out-dated, but the idea to have it following on from Hansel and Gretel’s younger years is actually not bad going.

I’ve touched on casting slightly, but i’ll go a little deeper. Jeremy Renner is a class act and his solid mix of serious action/ Comedy guy is perfect for a role which should never take its self too seriously like this one, I mean, that one bit where he gets..you know, and then..haha Oh my that made me belly laugh!. (that’s for those who have and haven’t seen it at the same time) clever, don’t you think?

Gemma Arterton is also perfect for a number of reasons. 1. She’s extremely hot, and that’s good for any action movie, 2. she’s funny (in her own way) 3. In this film at least her acting is second only to Mr Renner and 4. She’s a bad-ass with a cross-bow!

Seriously though, this would be a fantastic film if the director would have just said to the minor (and I say minor because Famke Janssen did a great job) witches, who at times I think actually thought they were in an episode of Power-Rangers. It’s really disappointing that something so petty can ruin an otherwise decent film.

The camera work is top-notch and some of the slow-mo; well I let you see it before I blab all about it (it’s of an amazing quality). Good going guys, apart from some minor mistakes this was a really good effort, and it tops its self off with Edward. I’ll let you meet him yourselves. 

But great film regardless, Mr Wirkola.

Solid 7/10 

Bad Idols!


Kids are extremely impressionable, we all know this; so why on earth do we keep making stupid uneducated people famous? We know that all that’s going to happen is that we are going to end up with a generation of mini Rylans and Joey Essex’s and that’s not good for anyone. People should, from an early age be taught that this type of person, regardless of the fact that they are ‘popular’ are not the type of people you should be aspiring to be like. Why are we not teaching our kids to be like Professor Brian Cox or Stephen Fry? Why are kids not growing up in the hope that maybe one day they can be exactly like William Shakespeare instead of aspiring to to be exactly like Dappy or anyone from TOWIE?

You can call me pedantic or silly or simply tell me to shush, but we need to start recognising true ability, talent, brightness, and stop recognising hair and telling someone “yeah, you can be famous because you don’t know who the Prime-Minister is and you totally rock the word reem”.

You may have guessed by this point that i’m not a massive fan of Joey Essex; he’s an uneducated knob and he needs to learn that, whether put on or not, his brainless, Ken doll lifestyle is not a correct example to put out to children. Stop it joey!

Now i’m not for one second suggesting that you should never idolise someone who only cares about looks because, lets face it, we all care about that in one way or another; i’m just suggesting that we should start idolising people who have achieved something more than simply going to the shops or owning a small clothes store in Brentwood! The fact that he always has perfect hair and all that is neither here nor there really; it’s the simple fact that teenagers are treating him like a god because he’s stupid and needs looking after like a child.

Another type of bad ‘idol’ is the gets-given-everything-handed-to-them-on-a-plate Popstar; and I think you can all guess where i’m going with this one. Yep, Justin Bieber. Now regardless of the fact that he’s now said he’s quitting music, we know he’ll back within the year; he likes money way too much to give it up for that long. He is horrible to his fans, he turned up 3 HOURS late to one of his shows, he spat at his fans, he should have been done for animal cruelty with the whole Monkey- Gate situation and he dresses like a complete townk. Yet 40 odd million teenage girls still cut their wrists to stop him doing all of the silly things he gets up to. Justify that one, Tween Magazines. 

I’m going to end on the type of person that annoys me more than any other. It’s the famous-for-the-sake-of-being-famous person. And today’s special guest is… James Arthur, X Factor winner 2012. James would probably tell you that he is in it for the music and that he has had a troublesome upbringing and that music is in his soul forever and a day. But I think we all know that judging by the way he treated people on Twitter recently and what he seems to think about himself; which is a massive global superstar who has tattoos because that makes you even more famous. No James, you my friend are just another Twonk. 

It’s worth saying that it’s not just James Arthur who deserves the Famous-for-the-sake-of-being-famous badge. It’s mostly everyone that goes on X Factor in the first place. These people should be constantly reminded that you’re not ‘famous’ until you’ve got a Number 1 album, or you’ve packed out Wembley or you’re know world wide for your talent in singing and lyrical genius. Just because you make it to the live finals of the X Factor, does not give you the right to start acting like a complete douche!


Right, rant over. 

Now, go idolise a poet or watch the discovery channel or something.



After Earth is one of those films where you know it’s going to be at least watchable, because, lets face it, it has Will-The Main Man-Smith in it. And he’s great in everything he’s in.


It kind of makes its self out to be a really original and innovative film, but in reality it’s just a bit of a culmination of loads of different films from the same genre. It has the future element, the scary monster element, the father-son element, the injured character, the character who goes it alone to save the day, the brave and rather reckless character (Smith Jr) and finishes on a kind of anti-climactic happily-ever-after ending.

But with all of these factors how can it not be a great film. Even the ending, which I said was a tad anti-climactic, is a relief and a nice ending to such a tense and suspension building film. Smith (Senior) isn’t in the film too much, but even just his presence every now and then makes the film more watchable. I think two hours of Jaden Smith running around panting and passing out wouldn’t have been quite as good. But with his voice in it most of the time, and that calming and controlling authoritative boom in he has controls the film; and I think without Smiths injuries in the film; I mean if he went in to the wilderness with Jaden it would’ve been a bit too inevitable that they would survive; he plays a super has-trained-to-be-invisible-through-no-fear soldier. Come on.

Again, like other films in which Smith has starred with his son you know that even if the story starts to fail,( which it doesn’t) that the the chemistry between the two actors is going to be class A, because how can you get more connected than a father- son combo in a film about a son trying to desperately save himself and his father from impending death. 

I think that when the event happens in which Smith and Smith Jr are left alone, it kind of again feels a little inevitable. Now I wont mention what that is, just in case any of you haven’t yet seen the film, but you’ll know what I mean.

I also like the future element where humans aren’t now living in a post-apocalyptic dystopia; that has definitely been used way too much and needs to stop for a while. Earth has proven too much for humans and they’ve cleared off. and that’s in the trailer and isn’t a spoiler! they leave earth and everything on earth evolves to kills humans. Everything is bigger and more deadly; even the terrain and the air they breathe is against them.

So much for a homecoming. 

If you haven’t seen this film then you definitely should. Everything culminates (I realise i’ve used that word before, but I like it) to make a brilliant film. The cinematography is brilliant, the casting is obviously ace and the story, well even though it isn’t entirely innovative and original it is great nonetheless. So go get it in a store near YOU!

That sounded a bit like an advert, but hey, if it gets you to buy it then why not!


I’ve Been Thinking…


There’s something weird about how we look at life in this country. I’m referring more to how we view what a ‘living’ is. I truly believe, and I’ve said it before; that if you find yourself doing something you love for a living then you will never work a day in your life. But if you just get a 9 to 5 to pay the bills and you hate what you do, then you really need to reevaluate your life. Make compromises for both, people.

I want more than anything to get in to anything to do with writing, and to be completely honest I don’t really care what I end up doing; so long as it’s me, writing, about something; so I know what my job is going to be, what my passion is and therefore know what my aim is for a future career, so that’s fine; I guess i’m lucky enough to know what I want to be doing to get the money in. But I also know what I want to be doing in my spare time; and you can forget T.V or video games, you can rule out part-time jobs and golf. 

I realised a while ago now that what I want to be doing with my spare time is something that has been staring me in the eye for years now; something that I’ve seen countless people do and something which looks like more fun than anything you can imagine. Now i’m not going to tell you what that ‘something’ is, because I want to make sure that it’s going to work out properly and then, when it’s all planned and done and set up, then i’ll blog about my little project. But my point is, i’m trying to get myself doing something that (in the little pocket of time where i’m finding myself looking for a proper job) I can focus all my energy in doing which be outside the norm, something which I know for a fact my parents are going to be slightly dubious about me doing.

We have a very tunnel visioned view of what ‘living’ is in this country. My parents and my grandparents would tell you that living is making money and being comfortable knowing that you are financially secure; But I don’t particularly believe that. I think that you should do more of what makes you happy, and less of what makes you miserable or what makes you stagnant in life. Why would you want to spend your life doing a 9 to 5 job in an office cubicle watching your dreams fade before you? And that is exactly what I don’t want. I know that my ideal job is writing and my ideal hobby is my secret project, so in an ideal world, i’m set.


How about you? What do you want?